———–<.thom.>———–
THE GREAT WORKS PROJECT
a puppet play in many parts
Season Two, Episode Two
By Thomas Typewriter
(c) 2020
———–<:type:>———–
FADE IN TO BLACK
From the bottom of the screen scrolls up the following text: 02-02. It moves upwards, pausing a moment in the center of the frame, then continues upward, exiting the frame at the top edge
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. UNROOM NOT.SEVEN
In the large cavernous space of the Unroom, THE OUTER ONE sits on one of many grey carpet squares lost in thought. The carpet squares radiate out from a wooden disc in the center of the unroom. Spindly metal lamps stand at the ends of the rows of carpets barely able to illuminate the room. The carpet squares bathe in light while the wooden disc swims in shadows.
THE CAMERA IS THE POV OF THE OUTER ONE LOOKING AT THE CARPET SQUARE THEY ARE SITTING ON.
The sound of TYPEWRITER KEYS CLICKING AND CLACKING drifts in from off-screen.
THE CAMERA TILTS UP AS THE OUTER ONE SHIFTS THEIR GAZE FROM THE CARPET SQUARES TO THE WOODEN DISC.
The wooden disc sits empty in the dark. Unseen lamps flip on. THE TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE manifests in the newly cast light splashing across the wooden disc.
PAN IN TOWARDS THE TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE
TRANSITION FROM THE UNROOM TO THE TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE
PAN IN ON MID-STAGE
TRANSITION FROM THE TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE TO THE MID-STAGE
MID-STAGE: CURTAINS CLOSED
The Mid-Stage sits silent and still. Once the camera properly frames Mid-stage the curtains part. The stage-lights turn on with the sound of a LIGHT SWITCH CLICKING ON, revealing…
MID-STAGE: INT. THE SLICE-O-PIE RESTAURANT
Three restaurant style booths run across the stage. Various sized photos of pies and fruits, all ornately framed, hang on the wall above the booths. A small framed photo of a rabbit next to a rock sits off to the stage left. Over on the stage right hangs a small framed photo of a still from the Patterson Bigfoot footage.
The center booth is the only booth currently occupied, though the MURMUR OF A CROWD can be heard. Sitting in the booth are THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING, THE LADY, THE LANCE, and THE LOCH. Thomas is looking at the menu, while the Lance and the Lady are looking around the restaurant. The Loch is sniffing the salt and pepper shakers.
THE LADY
“Busy night.”
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
“Yup.”
THE LANCE
“More than yup. A full night indeed. I mean look at all these gorgeous ladies. Sure working up my appetite, if you catch my drift.”
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
“Yeah right. Can we just eat dinner tonight. No woman here is interested in talking to us.”
THE LANCE
“Not with your head buried in that menu.”
The Loch sneezes from sniffing the pepper. Thomas leans over and puts his hand over the salt and pepper shaker in the Loch’s paws. Thomas shakes his head. The Loch sets them down. Thomas returns to his menu while the Loch reads over his shoulder.
THE LADY
“None of that Lance, you leave him alone.”
THE LANCE
“Why are you always defending him. You know as well as me if he just tried he’s succeed. He’s a good looking guy and he’s wasting it. Wasting his chances, no our chances. I’m tired of waiting on the sidelines.”
The Lance looks off stage-right and raises his hand waving to someone off-stage. A come here kind of wave. When he does this, Thomas does the same exact motion. Thomas merely looks up from his menu and frowns. The Loch reaches over and puts his paw on the Lance’s chest then shakes his head no. The Lance puts his hand down. Thomas is then able to lower his hand.
THE LADY
(glaring at the Lance) “We agreed we were not going to do that unless it was an emergency.”
THE LANCE
“Whatever.”
The Lance sinks into his seat pouting. THE WAITRESS enters from stage-right.
THE WAITRESS
(to Thomas) “Are we ready to order.”
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
“Sure thing. I’ll have a Crispy Bird Special, a bowl of Mickey-Stronney soup and a Squirrelly Temple.”
THE WAITRESS
(playfully) “Someone’s got a big appetite tonight.”
THE LANCE
“Ohhh…she’s hitting on you. Don’t blow it.”
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
(acting shy) “Maybe.”
The Waitress writes down the order and leaves.
THE LADY
“Why didn’t you talk more to her?”
Thomas shrugs. They fall into an awkward silence. The Waitress reemerges bringing a Squirrelly Temple soda and a bowl of soup. She sets them down on the table.
THE WAITRESS
“Here you go, and your Crispy Bird will be ready soon. Anything else I can get you right now.”
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
“No thank you, we’re good.”
The Waitress makes a funny face then leaves. Thomas takes a sip of his soda.
THE LADY
(reaches over and takes hold of his hand)”Thomas we need to talk.”
Thomas immediately stops sipping.
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
“Okay.”
THE LADY
“We will be leaving.”
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
“Really? But I haven’t even got my order yet.”
The Lance and the Loch reach over putting their hand and paw on top of The Lady’s.
THE LANCE
“No, Thomas. We’re leaving. Us. (gestures to The Lady, The Loch and himself) We’re going away.”
Thomas looks at all of them. Each nods yes.
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
“Oh.”
THE LADY
(starting to cry) “We’ll miss you and maybe you’ll miss us, but the cracks in you that made us are healing. You don’t need us anymore.”
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
“When.”
THE LANCE
(looks at watch)”Judging from the speed of service tonight, when the Crispy Bird arrives.”
TRANSITION FROM THE MID-STAGE TO HIGH-STAGE
THE CAMERA PANS UPWARD, UP OVER THE TOPS OF THE MID-STAGE SETS, TO THE CURTAIN OF CLOUDS. IT CONTINUES PANNING FOLLOWING THE CURTAIN OF CLOUDS TO THE HIGH-STAGE AT THE TOP OF THE CURTAIN. THE CAMERA SLOWS AND STOPS ONCE PROPERLY FRAMING HIGH-STAGE.
HIGH-STAGE: CURTAINS CLOSED
The High-stage curtains sit closed. A small shudder moves across the curtain preceding their parting. The High-stage stage-lights turn on with the sound of a COMPUTER BOOTING ON revealing…
HIGH-STAGE: EXT. THE MULTI-COLORED HIGHER PLANES OF REALITY
The stage is filled with a backdrop of swirling colors. From stage-left enters a miniature of THE SPACE EGG. It is rapidly flying across the stage leaving chromatic waves trailing in its wake. When it reaches mid-stage, there is a LOUD THUNDEROUS CLAP and the Space Egg flies even faster, exiting stage-left. The curtains close and then reopen revealing…
HIGH-STAGE: INT. THE SPACE EGG
THE INNER-SPACE MAN sits in a sleek astronaut’s chair. In front of him sits a curved console and curved view screen. The console has a center monitor in the shape of a circle bisected by a long rectangle. This is the Space Egg’s text display. All of the Space Egg’s dialogue will scroll across the text display at the same time as it is heard by the Inner-Space Man and audience. Around the text display sit various sized hexagonal buttons. The view screen sits on a curved wall coming off the console. It bears the same circle bisected by a rectangle design, only much larger. It is currently displaying the many colors of the Higher Planes of Reality outside the ship. Given the ship’s current speeds, the colors are blurring together
THE INNER-SPACE MAN
“Status Update.”
THE SPACE EGG
“Current speed exceeds the Speed of Thought. We have broken through the Reality Barrier.”
THE INNER-SPACE MAN
“Tip top. The infinite canvas of what could and what was spreads out before us.”
THE SPACE EGG
“Since we have exceeded three-dimensionality shouldn’t you use more than two metrics in describing our current options.”
THE INNER-SPACE MAN
“Excellent point my friend. Or should I say egg-scellent point.”
THE SPACE EGG
“Maybe don’t.”
THE INNER-SPACE MAN
“Noted. Now lets see…what did and what didn’t spreads out before us. Where to first?” (pulls out travel brochures from a storage compartment under his chair, though if you wanted to have him grab the brochures from a glove box in the Space Egg’s console that is fine as well.) “Do we sail the salt-spired Oceans of Tears? Navigate the Streams of Thought? Watch the sun set on an Era? Explore the hidden tombs of the Food Pyramid?”
THE SPACE EGG
“Maybe it’s my programming but I sure love myself a salt spire, so I vote Ocean of Tears.”
THE INNER-SPACE MAN
“Fantastic choice. Says in this brochure that its far shores have the best Halls of Memories of any higher dimensional space.”
THE SPACE EGG
“Now we have to go. Put in the coordinates.”
The Inner-Space Man enters the coordinates. He makes BEEP BEEP BOOP sounds as he presses the buttons on the console.
THE SPACE EGG
“New route entered. Rerouting. Rerouting. Rerouting. Route set. Oceans of Tears here we come.”
THE INNER-SPACE MAN
“Maybe some travel tunes?”
THE SPACE EGG
“You know it!”
The Inner-Space Man presses a button. At that exact same moment the High-stage stage lights turn off with the sound of A COMPUTER BOOTING OFF. The curtains close.
THE INNER-SPACE MAN
(voice over. It slows down and drawls out as it goes)”What just happened?”
TRANSITION FROM THE HIGH-STAGE TO THE MID-STAGE
THE CAMERA PANS DOWNWARD. FROM THE HIGH-STAGE IT MOVES TO THE CURTAIN OF CLOUDS CONTINUING ON DOWNWARD. IT FOLLOWS THE CURTAIN OF CLOUDS TO THE MID-STAGE, STOPPING ONCE IT IS FRAMED PROPERLY.
MID-STAGE: INT. THE SLICE-O-PIE RESTAURANT
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING is sitting at the center booth with THE LANCE, THE LADY and THE LOCH. THE WAITRESS enters with the food and sets it down on the table. She looks at his sad face and feels for him.
THE LANCE
“Speak of the devil.”
THE WAITRESS
“Oh don’t be so sad looking. Maybe a slice of pie before you go. Always cheers me up.”
Thomas looks up at the waitress. He studies her a moment, letting her words sink in.
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
“Maybe one slice before we go.”
THE WAITRESS
“Great, I’ll be back in a little bit to find out what kind you’d like.”
Thomas nods. He turns and looks at the Lady, the Lance, and the Loch one last time before they leave. The Lady gets up first, walks around to Thomas and hugs him before exiting stage-left. The Lance follows next, hugging Thomas and then exiting. Finally the Loch gets up, bear hugs Thomas, then exits. Thomas sets down his fork, puts his head in his hands. He wipes his eyes with his napkin. The Waitress reenters from stage-right with a pie menu. She walks it over to Thomas
THE WAITRESS
“Do you know what you want, or do you need a moment.”
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
(avoiding eye contact with the Waitress) “A moment. If possible.”
THE WAITRESS
“Don’t worry about it Hon. Take your time, you’ll figure out what you want eventually.”
The Waitress exits stage-right.
THOMAS TWENTYSOMETHING
(to self)”Will I?”
The Mid-stage stage lights turn of with the sound of a LIGHT SWITCH CLICKING OFF as the curtains close.
FADE OUT
———–<.thom.>———–
THE GREAT WORKS PROJECT
a puppet play in many parts
Season Two, Episode One
a prologue
By Thomas Typewriter
(c) 2020
———–<:type:>———–
FADE IN TO BLACK
From the bottom of the screen scrolls up the following text: 02-01. It moves upwards, pausing a moment in the center of the frame, then continues upward, exiting the frame at the top edge
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. UNROOM NOT.SEVEN
THE CAMERA SITS IN THE POV OF SOMEONE SITTING OFF CENTER LOOKING TOWARDS THE CENTER OF THE ROOM.
In the center of the unroom sits a large wooden disc. Arranged in rows radiating outward from the wooden disc, much like chairs in an auditorium, are a series of carpet squares. A rainbow of greys, every intensity, every hue, dances around us. At the ends of each row, tall spindly metal lamps illuminate the room. Their dark serpentine cords trail off into the dim edges of the unroom.
A sound of METAL BELLS AND CELESTE MELODIES rings out followed by unseen lamps flicking on casting light across the TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE. Now visible on the wooden disc, it draws our attention.
PAN IN ON THE MID-STAGE AREA
TRANSITION FROM THE UNROOM TO THE MID-STAGE OF THE TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE
MID-STAGE: CURTAINS CLOSED
The Mid-stage curtains part. There are no decorations on the Mid-stage today.
CONTINUE TO PAN IN TO AND THROUGH THE MID-STAGE
TRANSITION FROM MID-STAGE TO BACK-STAGE
The Curtain of Clouds, visible against the back of the Mid-stage parts revealing…
THE BACK-STAGE: THE CONCURRENT DISTANCES
CONTINUE TO PAN PAST THE CURTAIN OF CLOUDS UNTIL THE CONCURRENT DISTANCES FILLS THE SCREEN.
The Concurrent Distances manifest this episode as a void. No decoration. No sets. Darkness.
PAUSE AND HOLD THE SHOT OF THE CONCURRENT DISTANCES TO ALLOW THE EMPTINESS OF IT TO SET IN.
From stage-right emerges a DREAM-BUBBLE. Languidly blinking, it drifts from one side of the stage to the other, exiting stage-left. Shortly thereafter another Dream-bubble floats in, drifting from stage-right to stage-left.
The Dream-bubble reemerges from stage-right but moves swiftly this time from stage-right to stage-left. THE MAIDEN leaps on stage chasing after the Dream-Bubble. She pursues it off-stage.
They return shortly, it fleeing and she pursuing. The Dream-Bubble almost escapes, but she leaps and grabs hold of it. She opens her grip to examine it, but the Dream-bubble has turned a sickly yellowish-green color. It is lumpy and uneven. Dented where she grabbed it.
THE MAIDEN
“Yuck.”
She throws it away where it sits on the floor irregularly blinking. The Maiden notices the other Dream-bubbles now floating on-stage from stage-left and stage-right. She sits and watches in fascination.
THE MAIDEN
“Pretty.”
She stands and follows the Dream Bubbles off stage. Moments later the damaged Dream-bubble awkwardly hovers up from the ground. It flies off stage, limping the opposite way the Maiden exited.
PAN OUT
TRANSITION FROM BACK-STAGE TO MID-STAGE
PAN OUT TILL THE MID-STAGE CURTAINS FILL THE FRAME
TRANSITION FROM THE MID-STAGE TO THE UNROOM
INT. UNROOM NOT.SEVEN
CONTINUE PANNING OUT TILL RETURNING TO THE OUTER ONE’S POV FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE
The Mid-stage curtains close. The unseen lamps illuminating the Typewriter Abstract Puppet Stage dim to dark.
FADE OUT
———–<.thom & ophi.>———–
UP LATE, LATE AT NIGHT!
Season 01, Episode 01
(Act 2)
By Thomas Typewriter & Ophidia Operahouse-Typewriter
(c) 2020
———–<:type & opera:>———–
ACT II
FADE IN
INT. COP CAR. DAYTIME
MS OF INTERIOR OF A POLICE CAR.
D-COP, D-Vid dressed as a cop, sits behind the wheel driving, while B-COP, B-Max also dressed as a cop, sits in the passenger seat.
B-COP
“So then I wrestled that raccoon for the last pastry.”
D-COP
“Uh huh. Wait. Check out this turkey.”
B-COP
“Pull over.”
CUT TO
EXT. STREETER STREET. DAYTIME
MS OF GIBLETS
GIBLETS, a puppet made from a kid’s school project of turkey drawing made from tracing his/her hand, is walking down the street. He does need to have an old guitar strung across his back. We hear the sound of CAR DOORS SLAMMING SHUT.
PAN OUT TO LS SO AS TO INCLUDE GIBLETS ON RIGHT AND POLICE CAR ON RIGHT.
D-Cop sits on the hood of the police car while B-Cop approaches Giblets.
GIBLETS
“Hello Officers.”
B-COP
“What do you think your doing walking down this street.”
GIBLETS
“Just soaking up the sunshine and the positive vibes.”
B-COP
“Are you getting smart. We’ll see about that.”
B-Cop grabs the guitar from off Giblets.
B-COP
“What you doing with this old guitar.”
GIBLETS
“Old guitar? Why’d you call it an old guitar?”
CUT TO CS OF D-COP
D-COP
“Maybe he’s smuggling stuffing.”
CUT BACK
B-COP
“You smuggling stuffing.”
GIBLETS
“Oh my gosh, it is an old guitar. It was new when I bought it. Has it been that long. No home. No wife. No kids.”
B-COP
“Wait.”
GIBLETS
“My youth, my time, I’ve squandered it. And what do I have to show for it.”
A spotlight clicks down on Giblets. The rest of the stage lighting dims
B-COP
(off-camera)”What’s going on.”
GIBLETS
“I could’a been a contender, I could of had love, could of had her…but who was looking out for me. Was it my brother. Was it her. STELLA! STELLA! STELLA!”
A loud THUNK and Giblets passes out. The stage lighting reverts back. D-Cop stands over an unconscious Giblets, with a police baton in hand.
D-COP
(to B-Cop) “And that is how you stop a turkey who’s had some bad gravy.”
The POLICE RADIO SQUAWKS. D-Cop walks over to the car and answers it. Meanwhile B-Cop drags the unconscious Giblets over to the car. D-Cop leans opens the driver door and leans in to answer the phone. B-Cop opens the rear passenger door and tries to tip Giblets inside.
D-COP
“Car 54 1/2 here. Over”
POLICE RADIO
(voice-over) “Sorry to spring this on you, but Judge Dee is not able to teach the driver’s education class. You’ve been reassigned. Report to Local College tonight. 6pm. Over”
D-COP
“Roger. We’ll be there. Over”
D-Cop hangs up the radio
D-COP
(dancing) “Yes. Yes.”
B-Cop slams the car door shut.
B-COP
“Why are you so happy?”
D-COP
“We’ve been reassigned to teach Judge Dee’s driver’s course.”
B-COP
“Ughhh, those classes are a pain, filled with weirdos. What’s so great about that.”
D-COP
“Guess you could say I have a case of puppy love… for the class. Puppy love for the class.”
B-COP
“Whatever.”
They get into the car.
CUT TO MS OF CAR INTERIOR
D-COP
“Oh, can we stop at the pet store. My doctor recommended I eat more dog food.”
B-COP
“What. You sure he’s a doctor cause that does not sound like something a doctor would say.”
D-COP
“Well he did have a stethoscope and accepted my insurance.”
B-COP
“Whatever. Lets just get going. This day just keeps getting worse.”
D-COP
“Oh, don’t be sad. I’ll share some of the dog food with you.”
FADE OUT
———–<.thom.>———–
THE GREAT WORKS PROJECT
a puppet play in many parts
Season 01, Episode 12
By Thomas Typewriter
(c) 2020
———–<:type:>———–
FADE IN TO BLACK
Across a dark field the following text scrolls up: 01-12. It scrolls up from the center of the bottom of the frame, ascending vertically until finally exiting the center of the top of the frame.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. UNROOM NOT.SEVEN
A vast room of unseen edges, we focus on the wooden disc sitting in the center of the room. Rows of carpet squares spread out as if chairs around a stage. Spindly lamps illuminate of at the ends of the carpet rows.
OPEN FROM THE POV OF THE OUTER ONE SITTING ON A CARPET SQUARE. HE IS LOOKING AT THE WOODEN DISC.
THE TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE sits on the wooden disc, illuminated by unseen lamps, facing THE OUTER ONE. The sound of TYPEWRITER KEYS CLICK CLACKING ring out heralding a new show. They play softer and lighter in tone than previously.
TRANSITION FROM THE UNROOM TO THE TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE
THE TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE
PAN IN TOWARDS THE MID-STAGE AREA OF THE TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE.
As the camera nears the Mid-stage, its curtains open. The Mid-Stage stands empty and undecorated. The stage-lights are at a dim level. The Curtain of Clouds can be seen against the back of the stage.
TRANSITION FROM TYPEWRITER ABSTRACT PUPPET STAGE TO MID-STAGE
MID-STAGE: EMPTY
PAN INTO AND THROUGH MID-STAGE
The Curtain of Clouds parts revealing an area behind the Mid-stage. I will refer to this area as THE BACK-STAGE.
TRANSITION FROM MID-STAGE TO BACK-STAGE
THE BACK-STAGE: THE CONCURRENT DISTANCES
CONTINUE TO PAN IN UNTIL THE DARKNESS OF THE BACK-STAGE FILLS THE FRAME.
The back-stage is an empty black field. No sets. No illumination. A void. A PINK LIGHT slowly grows brighter near the stage-left. At the same time, a BLUE LIGHT slowly brightens on the stage-right side, parallel with the pink. They start to dim and brighten in waves. Their two cycles are in opposition. When one brightens, the other dims and vice-versa.
The pink light stops brightening and dimming. It flashes once. The blue light stops when the pink flashes. It pauses then flashes once in response. The pink light flashes twice. Blue repeats back. The two move a little closer. The blue light flashes three times. Pink repeats. Blue then flashes four times. Pink repeats. Each joyously flickers. They move a little closer.
Pink flashes four times. Blue repeats but changes the fourth flash to a long note.
Pink blinks in surprise. Pink returns the pattern of four flashes except the second and fourth flash are long notes.Blue communicates back with what seems to be a random mix of long and short flashes. Pink responds with a structured mix of short and long. They move closer.
Pink and Blue begin to spin around a central point. Faster and faster. The center of the stage becomes a circle of flashing pink and blue light. As they spin the background of the Back-stage changes. Sections of the black void transition to white creating a background of black and white patterns. The pattern starts to rotate. It spins counter-wise to the Pink & Blue Light’s spinning. (If I may interject, I would recommend that the background transitions to a Benham’s Disk pattern.)
The Curtain of Clouds closes as the pattern’s rotation and the Pink/Blue Light’s rotation speed to a blur.
ZOOM OUT
TRANSITION FROM BACK-STAGE TO MID-STAGE
PAN OUT TILL THE MID-STAGE CURTAINS FILL THE FRAME
TRANSITION FROM THE MID-STAGE TO THE UNROOM
INT. UNROOM NOT.SEVEN
CONTINUE PANNING OUT TILL RETURNING TO THE OUTER ONE’S POV FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE
The Mid-stage curtains close. The unseen lamps illuminating the Typewriter Abstract Puppet Stage fade out to nothing.
FADE OUT
———–<.thom & ophi.>———–
UP LATE, LATE AT NIGHT!
Season 01, Episode 01
(Act 1)
By Thomas Typewriter & Ophidia Operahouse-Typewriter
(c) 2020
———–<:type & opera:>———–
ACT I
FADE IN
EXT. THE TRASHIPELIGO ISLANDS, EVENING
LS OF A MODEL OF THE ISLAND. A RADIO TOWER OVER ON ONE END OF THE ISLAND BLINKS AND WE HEAR THE TRANSMISSION BEEPY-BEEPY-BEEP.
T-RASH THE TRASH GOD
“Broadcasting from the hidden heart of Mout Trashuvius of the Trashipeligo Islands, this is UP LATE, LATE AT NIGHT!”
CUT TO…
Title sequence plays
CUT TO…
INT. THE TRASH HOLE. NIGHT
A large cavern in the base of the Trashipeligo Island’s dormant volcano, Mount Trashuvius, the large abstract mask-like face of T-RASH THE TRASH GOD floats over a smoking pool of sludge and magma. Surrounding him are piles of trash.
PAN IN TO CS OF T-RASH
T-RASH THE TRASH GOD
“I am the T-Rash the God of Trash your host and guiding star. No more do you need to worry about the quest for new and better. New is an illusion and I am here to pierce the veil clouding your vision. Join us and rejoice for everything is trash. Broken, discarded, subject to the whims of entropy. Make trash from trash is what I say. Now let’s get the show underway. Acolytes to me!”
CUT TO LS OF TRASH HOLE.
D-VID and B_MAX enter. D-VID rushes in from stage-right holding a DVD case. B-MAX hurries in from stage-left carrying a VHS cassette tape.
CUT TO CS OF D-VID
D-VID
“Here my lord of lost.”
CUT TO CS OF B-MAX
B-MAX
“Here your clutterness”
CUT BACK TO LS OF TRASH HOLE
T-RASH THE TRASH GOD
“Good. Good. Now what offerings have you brought that our viewers may experience the full vision of my divine artistry. The trashier the better.”
D-VID
“Guess I’ll go first.”
CUT TO CS OF D-VID
D-VID
“Well, I found this copy of Lost and Found in a gull nest. The description on the back is too faded to read but the tagline is “One of these dogs must be Spade.””
T-RASH THE TRASH GOD
“Ohhh..that sounds like trash.”
D-VID
“And it has a picture of a man taking a bath with a dog.”
T-RASH THE TRASH GOD
“Perfect…I deem your offering worthy of being unworthy.”
CUT BACK TO LS
D-VID throws the DVD into the Trash God’s mouth. His lights glow brighter and in a different color.
T-RASH THE TRASH GOD
“And you, other one, what did you bring me in offering.”
CS OF B-MAX
B-MAX
“O’ mighty Trash God I scaled the heights of the Hill of Abandonned Sofas to pry from the deep reaches of its crevices this uterly unmint copy of Moving Violations.”
CUT TO CS OF TRASH GOD
THE TRASH GOD
“The Kay Lenz film! I’ve been looking for a copy of that forever.”
CUT TO CS OF B-MAX
B-MAX
“Uhhh, no. This is Moving Violations. Violations with an S. The 1985 film”
CUT TO MS OF T-RASH THE TRASH GOD AND B-MAX
T-RASH THE TRASH GOD
“I don’t know? Is it trash?”
B-MAX
“Well it says its from the creators of Police Academy.”
T-RASH THE TRASH GOD
“That’s all I need to know. Trash! Your offering pleases me.”
B-Max throws the cassette into the Trash God’s mouth.
PAN OUT TO LS OF THE TRASH HOLE
T-Rash the Trash God’s internal lights change color again and smoke starts to pour from his mouth filling the lair.
THE TRASH GOD
“Your offerings please me, so now let my divine smoke wash over you and guide you and our audience to a vision most horrible, most garbage.”
The smoke fills the room as B-Max and D-Vid start to cough.
B-MAX
“Smells like burning tires.”
THE TRASH GOD
“That’s how you know it is working. Now hush and pass out so we can get on with things.”
B-Max and D-Vid pass out.
PAN IN INTO THE SMOKE.
The white smoke fills the frame as a JANGLY SOUND OF BELLS AND OLD CAR HORNS flutters across.
TRANSITION FROM THE TRASH HOLE TO THE VISION
FADE TO WHITE
Thomas Typewriter 
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