———–<.thom.ophi>———–

Up Late, Late At Night

an abstract nonsense concerning treasure versus trash in modern film

Episode 002

Act III

By Thomas Typewriter & Ophidia Typewriter-Operahouse

(c) 2026 Jason Arcand & Suzanne Arcand

———–<:type.house:>———–

FADE IN

INT. HAIR AIR AVIATION COMMERCIAL AIRPLANES AIRPLANE, DAYTIME

CS OF A GLASS ON A FOLD DOWN TRAY. 

An empty glass, similar to the same glass that Laser Editor was drinking out of in Act II, sits on a napkin on the fold-down tray of B-REPORTER. She is seated in the back row, along with D-HACK, of a long series of airplane seats.

PAN OUT TO QUARTER ANGLE MS OF B-REPORTER AND D-HACK.

D-Hack is sleeping in his chair while B-Reporter is reading the book “FROM MK-ALPHA TO MK-AMERICAN ZOETROPE: A COMPLETE GUIDE TO A COVER-UP LARGER THAN HOLLYWOOD.” In the other rows are a HAIR BRUSH PASSENGER, HAIRDRYER PASSENGER, HAIR CRIMPER PASSENGER, HAIR COMB PASSENGER, and BABY BRUSH PASSENGER. Hair Comb Passenger can be seen trying to soothe Baby Brush Passenger to prevent her from crying.

CAPTAIN GIBLETS
(over the intercom) “Attention everyone. We are about to start our descent to Dieselvania International Airport. It is a warm day with a light smog. Thank you for flying with Hair Air Aviation airlines.” 

CUT TO MONTAGE OF GETTING OFF THE PLANE

A montage of quick edits will play showing B-Reporter and D-Hack getting off the airplane and traveling to their hotel. There is no dialogue, instead the entire sequence is set to an upbeat tune. In the first shot, the plane has landed and B-Reporter and D-Hack are standing in the airplane aisle behind the Hair Brush Passenger, Hairdryer Passenger, Hair Crimper Passenger, Hair Comb Passenger, and Baby Brush Passenger. They look around as the line slowly moves forward.

CUT TO

B-Reporter and D-Hack hurriedly exit the plane and into the terminal. They are walking past the HAIR AIR AIRLINES desk with its two attendants: BIG BRUSH ATTENDANT and DOG HAIR BRUSH ATTENDANT. The two attendants wave goodbye. On the board over the desk listing the upcoming flights it lists the following: “BIGCITYTON – NOW ARRIVING, TOLLBOOTHIA – ON SCHEDULE, CAPE DAYLIGHT SAVINGSBURG – ARRIVING 1 HOUR EARLY.”

CUT TO

A view of the bathrooms. We hear flushing and then water running. The sound of paper towels and dryers. Then B-Reporter exits the female bathroom while D-Hack exits the male bathroom.

CUT TO

At the luggage carousel, B-Reporter and D-Hack stand waiting for their luggage along with all the brush people. Pan in past the brush characters to the two of them patiently waiting.

CUT TO

B-Hack and D-Reporter are walking through the airport lobby with all their luggage. They walk past the food stalls but D-Hack points to the Wagon Wheelz Orgone Energy Trail Pretzels stall. It is a covered wagon made from layers of cloth and metal. 

CUT TO

B-Hack and D-Reporter are outside the airport waving for a taxi. Uber Mensh Taxi Service pulls up. The driver pops the trunk and they place their luggage inside. Then they get in. The interior of the van is filled with children’s soccer uniforms and equipment. They hand the driver a sheet of paper, who nods he understands. The taxi drives away.

CUT TO

The taxi drives across the section of road/interstate seen on the first video with the crime.

CUT TO

Drives on a highway past a sign for the forest of the lonely door or whatever it was called from the second video.

CUT TO

They arrive at the hotel and stand in front of it as the taxi driver unloads their luggage.

CUT TO 

The cab has left and now B-Reporter and D-hack, along with their luggage, stand in front of the Ivo Grand Hotel.

D-HACK
“Is this the place?”

B-REPORTER
“According to your Aunt, it is.”

D-HACK
“But it is so ominous.”

CUT TO OVER THE SHOULD SHOT FROM BETWEEN B-REPORTER AND D-HACK

They look at the entrance of the hotel, with it’s many Gothic fluting and design. A tall steps leads to cathedral like doors. The entire edifice is covered in bat-like gargoyles.

PAN UP

They look up and see the vast height of the hotel descend into dark and stormy clouds. A lightning bolt cracks in the depths of the clouds bringing a haunted glow to the scene.

CUT BACK TO MS OF B-REPORTER AND D-HACK

They both shiver.

B-REPORTER
“We better get inside.”

D-HACK
“The sooner the better.”

They start to walk up the steps but part way up B-Reporter stops and turns towards D-Hack.

B-REPORTER
“Remember, that we are here to investigate. We need to keep a low profile so that we can observe what is going on here. Do not draw attention to us just yet.”

D-HACK
“Don’t worry. I minored in Blending In in college.”

B-REPORTER
“I thought your minor was Music?”

D-HACK
“When you’re in school for twelve years you have time for multiple minors.”

B-REPORTER
“Is that why your wife and kids were staying in our dorm room?”

D-HACK
“Among other reasons.”

They continue walking up the steps.

CUT TO

INT. THE IVO GRAND HOTEL LOBBY, DAYTIME

The Ivo Grand’s lobby is decorated in an old world style with plaid armchairs spread around each of the three fireplaces and solitary potbelly stove. A large barrel of crackers stands by the potbelly stove while each of the fireplaces has an oversized espresso machine powered by a diesel combustion engine. Around the fireplaces sit 8-JACK and KATE TRACK, eight-track cassettes wearing plaid hats and reading the newspaper. At the other fireplace sits BIRDIE-THREE and THIRTY-PRIX, two 33 vinyl records wearing plaid hats and reading the newspaper. The far side of the lobby contains a long gilded marble counter housing the front desk and reception for the hotel. On the wall behind the counter is a large painting of a bowl of fruit still life with THE LADY AMP-IRE, an amp wearing a Marie Antoinette Pouf wig and a revealing red outfit, standing behind the bowl of fruit. D-HACK and B-REPORTER enter through the lobby doors and walk over to the front desk. They ring the bell on the desk. V-HOSTESS, the VHS tape hotel manager, enters.

V-HOSTESS
“Hello. Thank you for visiting the >. How may I help you.”

B-REPORTER
“We have a room booked.”

V-HOSTESS
“Sure thing. Do you have any of the booking information?”

B-Reporter hands over a slip of paper from her bag to the V-Hostess. She takes the paper and starts to type into the computer behind the counter.

V-HOSTESS
“Ah, here we are. Yes, we have you booked for our Vladimer Suite. Here are your keys. Room 66 on the sixth floor. And what brings you to Dieselvania?”

B-REPORTER
“Oh, sight-see…”

D-HACK
(interrupting B-Reporter) “Monsters! Like the ones that attacked those frat guys. We love monsters and want to know everything about them. Monsters, Monsters, Monsters! So, where can we find them?”

B-Reporter shakes her head listening to D-Hack fail to be subtle. The V-Hostess starts laughing uncontrollably.

V-HOSTESS
(still giggling and trying to calm down) “I didn’t know you were comedians. You should come to the open mic night at the Microphone Factory.”

D-HACK
“I wasn’t joking…”

V-HOSTESS
(shouting to the patrons in the lobby) “Hey everyone. Everyone listen up. We have a couple comedians here. The taller dumb looking one just said the funniest joke. He asked where the Monsters are.”

Everyone starts laughing loudly at D-Hack.

INTERCUT BETWEEN CS OF EACH PERSON LAUGHING AT D-HACK, D-HACKS’ SAD FACE, B-REPORTER’S DISAPPOINTING AND ANGRY FACE AND THE LADY AMP-IRE’S EYES MOVING IN THE PAINTING TO LOOK AT D-HACK.

B-REPORTER
“Yes, yes that is my friend the comedian. We’ll take our keys and get out of here.”

B-Reporter grabs the keys and drags D-Hack swiftly out of the lobby.

CUT TO

INT. ROOM 66 – THE VLADIMER SUITE, DAYTIME

LS OF THE DOOR INTO THE SUITE

The door opens and B-Journalist and D-Hack enter the palatial entryway of the Vladimer Suite. The entire room is circular in shape. Next to the door is a small dresser and two large wicker wardrobes. Past the wardrobes is the king size bed surrounded by a canopy of gauze fabric and heavy wooden posts. Each post of the bed is topped by a carved gargoyle. On the wall after the bed is a couch, two end tables, a coffee table, and two lamps. The first lamp is modeled after a human skull while the second is modeled after the skull and neck bones of a giraffe. On the wall above the couch are two framed paintings. The first is a close-up of a broomstick. The second painting is a close-up of a bed knob. Further past the couch is the entrance to the master bedroom. On the remaining space of wall before looping back to the entry door are the few windows in the room.

B-REPORTER
“What was the one job I gave you?”

B-Journalist drags in her luggage as D-Hack follows behind dragging his luggage.

D-HACK
“Play it cool.”

B-Journalist throws her luggage on the bed.

B-REPORTER
“Well today is ruined for looking for clues. We’ll go out investigating tomorrow. I claim the bed.”

D-HACK
“Why do you get the bed.”

B-REPORTER
“Why do you think.”

D-HACK
“Because I biffed it and everyone laughed at me.”

B-REPORTER
“That’s right. Now, this has been a long day, so I am going to get ready for bed and get some sleep. I recommend you do the same.”

B-Journalist exits stage-left while D-Hack walks over to the couch. He rattles and shakes the couch trying to see how to turn it into bed.

D-HACK
(calling out to B-Journalist in the bathroom) “How does the couch turn into a bed.”

B-REPORTER
(from off-screen) “It doesn’t.”

D-HACK
“Oh.”

LS OF BED AND COUCH

CUT TO MS OF THE COUCH AND PAINTINGS.

The broomstick painting on the wall swings open revealing a secret compartment behind the wall. The AMP-PIRE stands in the opening looking down at the sleeping figure of D-Hack.

INSERT SHOT OF WINDOW. THE DARK CLOUDS PART ALLOWING FULL VIEW OF THE MOON.

The full moon comes out from behind the clouds sending a shaft of silvery light across D-Hack’s face.

THE LADY AMP-PIRE
“My sweet prince, such beauty, how I long for you. I know you feel it too. A hunger to feel the shudder of pleasure as my fangs slowly sink into your body. For you to use that stupid brain of yours to caveman me until we loose all concept of time. Until our universe shrinks, shrinks, and shrinks some more to nothing but funk and musk.”

The Lady Amp-pire looks away with a over dramatic flourish.

THE LADY AMP-PIRE
“But alas, it can not be. To look into the sun is to risk oblivion. I have not survived this long, these past five months, as a vampire by indulging in risks. Our love is to never be. Yet…I can still do you one favor in name of what might have been. Here is the information you are seeking. The secrets of Dieselvania are deep and deadly. Tread carefully.”

The Lady Amp-pire reaches into the secret tunnel and struggles to pull up a giant bound book. She groans in exertion as she brings it out over D-Hack. She starts to loos grip on the book and drops it. It falls down loudly smashing into the groin of the sleeping D-Hack. D-Hack bolts upright gurgling in pain. She quickly closes the painting and ducks out of view. D-Hack continues to loudly groan while bolting upright and falling off the couch. He lays on the floor, tears in eyes, trembling in pain.

B-REPORTER
(off-screen) “Hey, keep it quiet over there. Some of us are trying to sleep.”

D-Hack nods his head and switches to a quiet whimpering on the floor.

B-REPORTER
(off-screen) “Much better.”

FADE OUT